2 1/2 weeks left...

With there only being 2 1/2 weeks left, i have the most mixed feelings. A. My boo is leaving me to go to Jersey. B. School is finally over!! After having one hell of a year, i don't know how to feel about it all. Crazy roommates, falling in love, being hurt, fun vacations, some of the funnest adventures with the roommies (the not so crazy ones), and so many laughs, tears and serious times we've had. It has been one of the most interesting experiences yet.
Lets keep the good times rolling and keep having fun. I want this to end good, even though it is ending.

Number 1

Why do i have this feeling i will never be someones number 1. The person they think about all the time. That when they get a text or a call from them they get butterflies. That wants only a happy ending with you. I wish i could have that... I wanna be someones number 1. I'm tired of having number 1's and all i get is about a number 2 or 3. I want to be important in someones life. I want to have that love given to me that i have given too many times. I'm so tired of being hurt. I'm so tired of being pushed aside... I want to be a number 1 in someones life...

Our elements are missing

Trust is the number one thing needed in a relationship... Thats why ours is messed up. I dont trust you, i hate not trusting you. But so far you have given me no reason to trust you. Now i just hope your not screwing me over. I'm so sick of this... So sick of it. So i just dont even know what to say to you anymore..

What now??

I've done everything i can. I'm done. I have done as much as i can and now i have realized am i not getting anything back. So i'm done. I'm done with you. You have hurt me in ways i have never been hurt before.
Dont you hate that feeling?? When someone just rips your heart right out of your chest and just leave you there to bleed?? Well in case you havent its one of the worst feelings you could ever experience it. I think now i am becoming an official hater of love. All it does is bring misery and hurt. Its not worth it. I am just a man hater now (especially you know who).

The end

You broke my heart... I love you. I always will. I dont understand how you can do this to me? Do you just not care anymore?? I want to be with you so bad, why cant you see that??
You ended our relationship, or what was left of it. Just remember, you ended it. Not me.

Tears

Why do these tears just keep falling, i keep trying to hold them back but they come in such great amounts that i cannot contain them! Why does my stomach keep turning and keep making me so sick. Tonight i am mourning for you. For your love, i dont know where it went, i feel like i am loosing it. I feel that i am loosing you, your fading from me, you seem to be further and further the more i reach for you. I keep hearing things that i do not believe, i need re-assurance... I need to know that i'm your girl and that nothing and no other girl will get in the way of that. I love you more than i can say... You mean everything to me. You have made me more happy than i have been in years. Please dont hurt me. These tears i cry for you are a sign, be with me now, or go.

Will things change?

Today i am happy, things are finally looking up since i got so scared that we would have to take a new direction. I am so happy that we do not have to go down that road. Now that i am thinking more of my future, i realize how much i want you in it. I want you to be there, i want to be there for you. I want to give you everything i have and have everything you can give. I want to share a life with you. I love you and nothing will change the way i feel about you. My heart cannot take anymore pain, anymore hurt, anymore questions... I need you in more ways than i think you really know.
I am a girl in love, and i am waiting for you :) I love you.

My best friend, and lover..

Depression is hitting hard right now. I am so insecure with my weight and so stressed with everything going on around me. I cry for no reason, i hurt all the time, i feel like my days are blurring together...
I hate this feeling, i'm not me. I am not who i am when i came to Snow College. I fell in love and now i feel like this love is falling apart and i am doin anything i can to save it. It feels like it is falling between my fingers and i cannot stop it. Honey, my heart is being ripped out and i want you to put it back into place. I love him and i feel like i am loosing him, i dont know what to do.
You leave to Utah State in August, that is only 6 more months i get with you... till your gone. I know you are scared and you think that we cannot be together unless were serious, but honey... I want to be serious, i love you. I want to be with you forever.
You may not be ready to be married or engaged, but i am not either. I am 18 years old, i still need alot more from life before i become part of another person. I am just telling you that i want to be with you. I can wait to be married/engaged. I am not expecting that at all, i just want you to the fullest.
I love you. You have been my best friend and my lover. I dont know why this has to end, yeah it may be getting more serious but that is just showing how we are supposed to be together. I have shared things with you i cannot even get myself to think about. You have seen the deepest sides of me. I dont want that with anyone else. I only need to know that you feel the same... If you do then lets take advantage of the time we have together! Why not make the best of what we still have left to do?? You have things you want to do before you die, let me help you do them :) Lets do things together that will build us up in the best of ways. Yeah there will be hard times, but when is there not in life?
I want you to be happy, and i want us to be happy, i want to be a part of you that makes you happy.
I love you, always.

Nothing new...

I wish he really knew how i felt about him. I have never had such a deep and true love. I have never felt like this about anyone or anything in my life. He is my everything, i just wish i could tell him this.
I saw him for a bit today and i just want to be back with him so bad. He was/is the most wonderful boy, yeah we had our issues sometimes and sometimes but he is my life and holds my heart.

How many times can a heart be broken till it shatters?

This is my first blog ever and i decided to write it on my current "Love life" situation.
I had met this amazing guy the first weekend of my new life at Snow College. His name is Brady, he is now 20 years old and we had been dating for about 6 months. Pure bliss!! I really have never felt like this about a boy. We, i would say, were pretty serious. I mean he gave me a diamond necklace for Christmas... Really? I have no idea what happened. On Janurary 23, 2010 my heart had been broken when he decided that our relationship needed a "break". Reasons for this break...
1. "I feel like our friendship is gone and our love life comes first"
2. "I need to get myself out of this slump i am in."
And it goes on for reasons like this. I dont understand... Maybe some others will understand more than me.